I recently hashed things out with my mom. It was 7 months since we last spoke and it took us all 7 months to talk about things that were bottled up inside of us from decades ago. It was honestly a relief being able to hear her out, about what she went through when I was growing up, and how we both felt after her and my dad split up. After all this time though, I realized I'm not over it. I'm not over the fact that they had to separate the way that they did, and that we never actually had a proper conversation about it.
I thought to express this feeling. Being 30 years old, still in despair like I was when I was 18. It doesn't get easier and the fact that after all of these years, I still feel that pain in my stomach. I know that no one deserves this. We live, we fall in love, and sometimes we fall out of love, and that's okay. Seeing my parent's in love will be an honest and genuine memory that I'll hold close to my heart. I speak for children with separated parents when I say that as much as we feel we need an explanation, we don't. And if both parents are genuinely happier without one another, then their happiness is all we could really wish for. I guess after talking to my mom and having that distant memory reappear, I felt sad - again, and I clearly needed to talk to someone about it.
I had a bit of a nervous breakdown (with the help of liquid courage) after our family Christmas party. I talked to two parents who went through a divorce with children of their own. I asked why it happened and how did it fall apart? I was a wreck, clearly. But after hearing them out and understanding what it meant for them to have to separate from their toxic relationships, I realized they are also human, and they deserve to be happy. Which from what I could tell, they are - A lot happier than they once were. Seeing that, hearing what they had to say, and them letting me vent, was what I needed. I woke up the next morning a tad (a lot) embarrassed, but what's done is done, and I have to just let it go and move on myself. Just being able to talk to someone about it, even after so many years, was the best thing I had done for myself. So thank you Ate Joy & Kuya Ron.
With Christmas around the corner, I can only imagine how hard it is for separated families. The holidays are one of my favorite times of the year, as it should be. But, it could also be one of the hardest times of the year. As kids, my siblings and I would wake up to a happy and warm home, with the smell of breakfast and Christmas carols as we would make our way to the Christmas tree to open gifts. Now, we stress about how much time we can spend together, planning out what days we'll actually get to see each other, and honestly - It sorta sucks. But, as we grow up, we grow into our own traditions, host our own events, and spend it with those important to us. It's just a stage in our lives we eventually adapt to and learn to be okay with. It's been years having separated Christmases, Holiday's spent here and there, making sure gifts are wrapped before the day I know I'd see them. Not saying it got easier for me, it's just that I've adapted to my new normal which consists of new families, new people, and new traditions. But with all of that, it does essentially get better. And with time, those distant memories of Christmas as a whole becomes just that - a Memory.
Wishing all of you guys a Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays. I hope those struggling with separated parents and/or families find their new traditions and new ways of doing things.
See you all in January!
Jree.
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