11 Months

When Caleb was only 1 month old, I remember saying how I couldn't wait for him to start babbling, start crawling, start eating solids, and start walking on his own. Now, all I want is for time to slow down.

I can't believe he's 11 months today, and I also can't believe that he's at the worst sleep regression he's had all life!!! What a humbling experience it's been.

Where do I even begin?

Since my last post when he was only 1 month old - well - a whole lifetime has gone by, it feels. I worried (and still worry) every night whether I am being a good mother. I have witnessed him babble, say 'mama', smile, laugh, and find love for food. He's learned how to say: more & all done in sign language. He knows how to wave, say 'wow', and can finally crawl on his knees!

Caleb is a curious soul. He loves to laugh and play jokes. He lightens up when he see's people familiar to him. He likes to dance and play music (just like his late uncle Jey). He has grown into the sweetest, most lovable and funny (soon-to-be) toddler.

But, he also knows how to use his voice so his cry is more intensified. He was sleep trained and now it feels like that went completely out the door the minute he turned 10 months. He is clingy AF and notices the people around him - so it's no longer easy to pass him off. I've been enjoying every minute of it knowing that even with all the obstacles - this stage will eventually pass. That doesn't mean that I don't cry about it though when I'm in the moment. Sometimes it can get too much. Sometimes I need the extra time to decompress. Sometimes I feel lonely within all the chaos.

It's never linear and I've learned that the hard way. I stopped following mom influencers and stopped chasing this perfect Montessori baby. Although I still try to implement it - I'm not tied to it like I used to be. I am also still learning how to be patient and to appreciate a 'slow' day, and it's amazing that this little human being has taught me all of it. My world has been flipped upside down - in a good way.

He makes me want to keep going - to reach goals I always felt were out of reach. I keep striving to be a better person. To be healthier. To be active. To be present. All because of him.

11 months. That's all it took. And for the rest of my life - to keep going.

I love you, Caleb Jey. 1 month until you're ONE.

Mom.